All the Single Catholic ladies, if you have not seen Marty…

Click off this article, go see Marty (1955), and come back to read it!

Girls, I was sitting on a night, one week ago, scrolling through my ‘to-watch’ list, contemplating on what 50’s film noir to watch. I stopped the cursor on ‘Marty’. That movie had been sitting on my list for ages, but I had never had the chance to really watch it. So, I ticked it off, went to YouTube, and watched the film.

Oh my!

Not only is it so realistic to the plight of single Catholics in this world, but it’s also very funny, incredibly relatable, and offers enormous amount of hope.

What is the film about?

Disclaimer: If you’ve gone this far into this post and have still not yet seen Marty, please beware that there will be serious spoilers.

Marty (1955) stars Ernest Borgnine and Betsy Blair (for those familiar with 50s actors/actresses) in this short but beautiful romance movie, about two hopeless practicing Catholics that find love in the most spontaneous way. Unlike most films out of Hollywood today, this is clean, very relatable, and contains wholesome take-home messages to sit with after watching it.

So… Into the movie: Marty is a 34-year old butcher, belonging to a large Italian Catholic family. He’s the first son in the row, but having been to all his siblings’ weddings, the poor chap loses hope that he will ever find a nice girl to settle down with. At the beginning of the movie, he seems quite content with his life, but as the film progresses, his despair and frustration with his single life becomes more apparent. His mother, family friends, and buddies constantly question him about when he is going to settle, and the stigma that comes along with it starts to make Marty question himself too. Throughout the beginning of the film, he questions his looks and self-worth.

However, after being coaxed by his mother to attend a swing dance night, he goes and stumbles upon a new chance opened for him…

Clara is a 29-year old bachelorette, an only daughter to her parents -whom she still lives with- and a lady not much to look at. Despite her looks being plain, she is the sweetest and most gentle person to talk with. She too, however, has had bad luck in finding a nice man to settle down with. After being fixed on a double date at the same dance night, she suffers having her date openly stand her up because of his disappointment with her looks. Poor Clara loses heart and out of embarrassment, she excites the venue and turns to tears. However, her tears leads her to the meeting with – most possibly- her future spouse.

Marty who had been observing her date’s misconduct, comes up to her and asks her for a dance. A dance turns to a walk out in the night, then into a coffee date, and a visit to Marty’s house. All the while, the two get to know and inspire each other. They discover that their situations are not far from each other’s, and that they like each other really well. Despite a moment of temptation between Marty and Clara, the two decide to meet again. Marty, upon walking her home (past midnight), promises to call her the next day and take her out to see a film. Overall, the day that seemed hopeless for two lovebirds at the beginning, turned into a day of blessing.

Happy every after goes on until doubts about Clara come to Marty from horrid opinions about her, coming from his mother and his best-friend, Ange. Succumbing to human respect, Marty loses hope again and fails to keep his promise to Clara. On Clara’s side, she feels betrayed after waiting the whole day to hear from a man she thought liked her the night before.

But, at the end of the movie, Marty comes back to himself and shoots his family’s opinions out the window. He goes to the telephone and calls Clara for a date.

The End.

The film didn’t end with a wedding, but I sure did hear wedding bells ringing from afar!

After seeing this film, I was so edified that I sat, thinking about the many lessons about Catholic single life the film portrayed. Also, for us ladies, I think Clara was a great model of femininity, and how possessing it makes us angels, even if our looks are quite average.

First lesson: Do not lose hope. Be actively open

Yes, it was written into all the dialogues and every scene the film contained. Do not lose hope in ever finding the one! You may be in your late twenties like Clara, or in your middle ages like Marty, but don’t shut down your life because you have not found a nice man or woman to settle down with. Keep living, keep going out on Friday nights, keep accepting cringy double dates, keep introducing yourself to people and getting to know people. It’s easy to shut down and despair in this area, but don’t let it get to you. If Marty had refused hands-down that he was not going to attend that swing dance night, or if Clara had passed on the double date her friend had arranged for her that night, Marty and Clara would have remained strangers. Take every new opportunity as a new chance, and if it isn’t, look forward to the next one!

Pray God to bring you your spouse, and beg him not to let you despair.

Second lesson: Do not dare allow your self-esteem to falter

Of course, when it looks as if you’re getting uglier or were always ugly, and start to think to yourself as Marty said, ‘Oh boy, perhaps, I’m just ugly and fat. That’s why nobody wants me.’

That is not true. First off, you’re not ugly. You just think you’re ugly. Second thing is the people who didn’t want you were meant for someone else, and vice versa. And when you finally meet the one you won’t start thinking of all the others that didn’t want you. For example, in the film, after Marty drops Clara at her house, he spirals into this moment of euphoria where he’s so happy that he swings a sign post around. That was the first time in the film I had ever seen him smile fully. Now, I doubt he was thinking then, ‘But what about all those girls that didn’t want me?’ I’m sure he cared less. He probably didn’t even remember their names.

Keep taking care of yourself and improving your character, even if the person you’re waiting for hasn’t arrived. God is preparing you to meet your spouse, so why slow the process because of a measly old voice of critique in your head?

Third lesson: Girls, don’t back down on your feminine character and morals to please anybody.

Clara wasn’t a supermodel, but she was beautiful -perhaps, not so much on the outside, but a good lot on the inside. At 29 years, her character maintained that child-like sweetness that showed in her smile and in the way she talked and moved. She listened intently to Marty’s conversations, and though, she usually didn’t say much, she always replied with a bright smile -one that caught Marty’s heart and made him realize that he had found the one -there is literally a scene like this in the movie. In short, her feminine aura had charmed Marty and sprinkled an extra layer of beauty around her. Even as someone in the audience watching, I could see the beauty that Marty saw in Clara, even if generally, she wasn’t as pretty. It taught me, who is always nit-picking at my own looks, that looks don’t really matter. It is the charm (aura) around you that matters. And a woman’s charm is the essence of her femininity.

The second thing with Clara is that she did not back down on her morals, nor did she think of changing her personality to please anybody. Her date stood her up right in front of her face, but she did not call him back and try to be a woman that she was not. Later in the film when things hit off with Marty, Marty invites her to his house, and with the two of them lonely together, a moment of temptation comes, but she stands her ground on maintaining her chastity (it wasn’t said so explicitly in the movie). In fact, instead of lashing out at Marty not to touch her, she gently reveals the reason why she would not let anything intimate between them unfold, and for this, far from chasing Marty away, she further charms him. It was a very subtle way of revealing the alternative to what many women, myself included, are apt to do these days. We are so quick to throw ourselves -even our personalities- away, in the presence of a man that we may like.

Friends, even if the gentleman you fancy is very agreeable, do not throw yourselves around like a helper, or allow yourselves to be coaxed to do things against your principles or personality. Maintain calm and feminine mystique, stand by your person, be confident in your endeavors, and whoever this gentleman is will respect you.

For more practical advice on this specific subtopic, I could not recommend enough a YouTube video that I had stumbled upon months ago: ’10 Things I Wish I Knew About Men In My 20s’ by Margarita Nazarenko. You may not be in your twenties, but it was very valuable advice she gave in general, and though she does not seem religious, I think her advice was still very relevant to this specific sub-topic.

Anyways, back to Marty…

Fourth lesson: Non-singles, please try to be a home to singles

I figured one thing that was outright wrong with the way Marty’s family and friends approached Marty’s single situation was constantly shaming him into thinking that it was his fault for being single. And the painful part was that he was the only one who knew how much heartbreak he had gone through while trying to court different girls. Even though his family and friends kept bugging him to get married out of genuine love for him, they were certainly doing it the wrong way. At the beginning of the film, you see a lady (one of the friends of Marty’s mother) saying to Marty, ‘When are you gonna’ get married, Marty? You should be ashamed of yourself…’

You see?

How would you like to be frustrated that you can’t seem to find someone to be with, after everything you tried, only to be told that you ought be ashamed of yourself too?

Now, I’m sure nowadays, stigma around being single has vastly diminished, but around Catholic circles, the longer your single period goes, the more people sort of start to ask the same question, as if you’re not already trying. And maybe sometimes, there needs improvement as to the way you court people, but generally, I believe that single Catholics need a lot of support and understanding, considering that the dating world today is totally bonkers. Community too is important, and if you are not single, trying to help your single friends or daughters or sons, to the best of your ability will make this period of their lives much more bearable.

I am a single Catholic girl myself. Believe it from the horse’s mouth.

Finally,

I believe all should see this film! There is so much more than it teaches, but the four points above are what I consider most prominent and relevant to this conversation.

Marty (1955) is a film I will definitely rewatch over and over again, and it is so heartbreaking that the film industry almost never creates this type of inspiring content any longer. Being a visual learner, films are the best way for me to understand the concepts that I believe in, and I’m sure it is the same for most people. I’m hoping that this movie teaches you as it taught me.

If you’ve seen it, did it? Email me about this post and let’s chat some more!