DREAMS OF TOMORROW

I proudly confess that I have searched the phrase, ‘How to be beautiful’, in its different variations, so many times on the internet. In response, I have come across an overwhelming amount of information, most of which is quite superficial and has been heard by most women: Care for your skin; drink enough water; eat a balanced diet; exercise; sleep enough, etcetera.

While all of these are true and form part of the features that improve physical beauty, I have come to experience that beauty encompasses a whole lot more. I have seen and read about people who are not glamorously attractive but are so beautiful because of their character. On the other hand, I have known people who, though they possess physical beauty, have appalling behaviors that make me wary of being around them.

Being beautiful is good. And for something to be good, it has to be good as a whole. That is, if you really are beautiful, you should be so inside and out.

Looks and Apparel

I have just said that physical beauty doesn’t really matter but at the same time… I’m afraid it does. It is the foundation. The first thing people see is you: your face and your outward appearance. By saying this, I don’t mean that if you’re less attractive than your sister or friend, you have no chance of forming a good physical impression. As I stated in my previous article, you are not ugly unless you choose to remain ugly.

The reason I have contradicted myself here is to address the notion that taking care of one’s appearance is unnecessary since one isn’t and shouldn’t be judged by physical appearance… That is half-true, half-false. And that depends on what is meant by ‘physical appearance’. If by ‘physical appearance’, one is thinking of the part of the looks that cannot be changed conveniently (e.g., a mole on the face, big eyes, face shape, etc.), then the statement is true, no doubt. However, if by ‘physical appearance’, things like clothing choice, makeup routine, hygiene, grooming, etc. is meant, the statement is false.

So, yes, physical appearance, as far as you can help to improve, matters. There is no point saying that it doesn’t matter because it will when people look at you and treat you accordingly. How popular has the saying ‘Don’t judge a book by its cover’ become? Still, you walk into a bookshop and judge your book of choice first, by its cover. Judging a book by its cover cannot be helped. It’s in the brain to judge something by its cover. And if you are not covered in refined looks and clothing choices, people will judge you accordingly, whether you prefer it or not.

Having this reality in mind can be daunting. I have passed through many a time where my clothing choices existed because of the modern trends, or what people thought of me. Hence, even if my clothes were definitely not my style, I was fooled into thinking it had to be since it was the trend. However, when I came across the idea of dressing with dignity, my eyes were opened…

Did you know that dressing well is actually a virtue? It is a subcategory of the virtue of modesty, which moderates the use of one’s externals (movements, dress, etc.). The next time you get dressed up, remember that you have an opportunity to perform an act of virtue.

Modesty in Looks

In the Genesis account of creation, after Eve was made by God, she was presented to Adam for judgement, and it is in that moment that Adam uttered the words ‘This now is bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh…’

As Fr. Chad Ripperger -a well-known American Catholic exorcist/priest- suggested, because of this incident in history, women developed the inclination to seek appraisal and approval from the opposite sex, about their looks. At first, the thought seemed unfriendly to me, but after much dwelling on it, I realized it was true. Women are more sensitive to societal judgments about their appearance, and it is actually a natural inclination for women to care about how they look, especially in the eyes of the opposite sex.

This reality is not bad. Far from it. This is an innate strength that we have as women because it is crucial to our nurturing nature. For example, a child’s sense of fashion and modesty comes from the mother’s code of dress and conduct. However, if care is not taken, this innate attribute that can be used for virtue may also be turned into the vice of vainglory.

With the explosion of the makeup and skincare industry, I am sorry to say that has become a temptation to do everything to look beautiful… And many women fall into it -face jobs, over-expressive makeup, etc. These things are not bad in themselves. If you have a serious facial flaw you would prefer to cover up, go for it. If you’re in theatre and require a ton of makeup for the part, awesome. Nonetheless, I am a huge advocate for letting people get used to seeing just you. In other words, going for the classic natural appearance is the best. It helps you exude confidence in your looks, without having to say a word. Perhaps, a swipe of lipstick, mascara, powder on your face, etc. is good to enhance your natural features, but they shouldn’t cover them up. Natural flaws like blemishes, freckles, moles, etc. can be a source of insecurity, I know, but sometimes, leaving them be actually adds more beauty and humanness to you. 

Moreover, I believe that grooming and hygiene are a jet booster to instantly look better. Think how better the streets would look if more people just brushed their hair in the morning or wore clean ironed clothes. Endeavor to take good care of your skin and hair, live a healthy lifestyle, etc. You’ll see how much better and rejuvenated you’ll look, even without makeup.

Modesty in Apparel

This topic is a little bit more tricky and controversial. Tricky because the standards of modesty differ from culture to culture, and from situation to situation. Controversial because in today’s society, women have come to think that their value is measured by how little they wear and how ‘singular’ they look. In the name of self-expression, different horrible or bland fashion trends have exploded, most of them barely reaching the knees or covering the chest properly. The idea of a pretty dress is different now, compared to what it was, years and centuries back. These days, my dilemma in the shopping mall is finding a pretty item of clothing that is affordable and modest. However, what I mostly find is indecent pretty clothes or expensive (and often, frumpy) modest clothes. As a lover of the classic times, I wish I could walk into a store with beautiful, modest, affordable female clothing… but gone are those days.

Setting this dilemma aside for the meantime, it is important to ask what modesty in dress means, why it should be practiced, and how it should be practiced.

First off, modesty in dress isn’t simply covering up. Though covering up encompasses the essence of the virtue, there is more to it. Remember what I said previously: dressing well is a virtue. In addition to covering up, it is advised to do so in style. The quote above by Edith Head is what I have always used as my balancing ruler when it comes to dress. Edith Head was a renowned film costume designer in the 1940s-70s and played a big role in the design of glamourous dresses worn by actresses in movies of those days. One such actress is Grace Kelly, whose film outfits were always spot-on: modest and pretty at the same time.

Even in this day where one cannot find such luxury, it is still possible to pull off a decent elegant style, though it’s harder, I must admit. Whether your style is classic dressing, athleisure, casual, bohemian, formal, etc., if you master the balancing ruler, it will be easier for you to build a wardrobe that you can be proud of as a modest woman.

The first hint

Dress like a woman. Because it is what you are.

Few people realize that the way you dress has a significant effect on your psychology and the psychology of others. In the 1960s, when the trend of trousers for ladies was starting to become more popular, the Catholic Archbishop of Genoa, Giuseppe Cardinal Siri, issued a statement, concerning women in androgynous clothing. In it, he mentioned that though masculine clothing for ladies does not represent a greater danger than plain immodesty (i.e. Some pants are actually better than mini-skirts), it may change the psychology of women, diminish the relation between the two sexes, or tarnish the dignity of motherhood in the eyes of children.

In other words, wearing less feminine clothing as a woman not only makes you act and think differently but also changes the way people view and relate to you in society. Now, when Cardinal Siri wrote this, trousers for ladies were a relatively novel thing. Today, because of the evolution of ladies’ pants, I think it is safe to say that not all types of trousers are condemnable in women’s fashion. One good thing is that many pants have been modified in their shape, cut, color, and texture, to suit ladies. So, while you may want to continue wearing pants, consider opting for more feminine pieces.

I let pants off the hook, but I can’t leave off the more aggressive forms of androgynous dressing. From masculine haircuts to hard-core male-like dressing, this form of attire is becoming widespread among women today. And though I cannot speak for the persons involved in this fashion, I believe that most have a feministic statement they would like to make clear by their form of dressing. However, if you are not in this pool and just happen to have more androgynous articles of clothing in your wardrobe because of how convenient they may be, I challenge you to look for other feminine options. As somebody who has been tuning my wardrobe for years, I can boldly claim that feminine dressing is not uncomfortable. Gone are the days of corsets. There are different ways to dress womanly without sacrificing your comfort.

And no, yoga pants are not it… Sorry.

About that…

The second and more important hint

Dress like a lady. Find the style that suits you, but please… Dress like a lady. A lady is elegant in dress: she only wears that which shows her womanhood and virtue. A lady is not vain in the way she dresses. That is, she isn’t superfluous in her clothing or adornment. She is reserved and thoughtful in her way of dress, which helps add to her feminine mystique. From time immemorial, women have had more versatile clothing and accessory options. From the crown of our head, down to our face, neck, chest, midriff, arms, wrists, legs, and feet, we have possessed clothing articles to adorn each part of our body, and societal customs have often shaped the way these adornments are made. Again, having all these options isn’t bad, but the vain use of it is.

What then defines the thin line between virtuous dressing and vain dressing?

In more practical terms, vain dressing may be seen as the superfluous expression of self in attire. This may be bothering too much about your clothes, wearing too many adornments, or even dressing immodestly. Vanity/Vain glory, which stems from the vice of pride, seeks to achieve praise beyond that which it deserves. Have you ever sought for such in the way you dress?

What is your purpose in dressing? Is it to fit in? To get along with your friends? To show your worth? The purer your intention for dressing becomes, the better you will dress -automatically. While all of the above are good things to seek, I have found that seeking it unhealthily ruins your style. Why do you dress? As a Christian woman, I believe my body should be treated as something made by God. So not only do I dress well out of gratitude, I do so out of love for God and my neighbour. Beautiful dressing praises God and gratifies the sights of those who see you in it.

Stay as close to your natural self and style as possible. To remove the occasion for the vice, resolve to buy only pieces that are worthy of your wardrobe. That way, you won’t have an opportunity to dress sloppily (e.g. Yoga pants) or dress superfluously. It’s the same with makeup: Less is more. And the virtue is in the balance. Clothing should enhance your look, not hide it in superfluous dressing, or damage it in immodest dressing.

The third hint

Always appropriate your dressing to the external circumstances you find yourself in (e.g. work, Sunday service, school, home, etc.). If the policemen stopped wearing their uniforms, how would we be able to recognize them? If everyone just wore nightgowns to a funeral, we wouldn’t know it was a funeral. There is a reason why clothing cues or uniforms go with different occasions. Again, it’s because clothing affects our psychology, and forms important societal associations in our head. It is part of modesty to dress according to a specific time or place you find yourself. For instance, the same clothes you wear to college on a random day should not be the same you wear to a wedding. Your nightwear should not be your day apparel too. Your school or work uniform should not be the clothing you wear for the rest of the day, even after return from either.

This advice takes the virtue of humility and discipline to perfect. In a world of  ‘self-expression’ and slothfulness, it is well to stand out by practicing this unique art.

Regarding all that has been said,

Modesty and beauty are hard to implement, especially in this age where virtue is actively fought against. It’s part of the dilemma I spoke about. However, it isn’t impossible to get rid of this dilemma. Engaging in the mission to find your lady-like style of dressing is a long journey, but a rewarding one indeed. You will begin to see yourself differently, and so will people around you. In fact, I have learned more about myself in my clothing style than I have in all the personality tests I have taken in the past, and when I see beautiful dressing, my heart lifts to God. Oh, wouldn’t it be lovely if we had beautiful dressing more common again?

How do you view dressing modestly, in looks and clothing choices? Let me know!

Credit: Hannah Biju

Au revoir,

Christine.

This is the first article of a series that will be published every week, keep in touch to stay updated.