DREAMS OF TOMORROW

In my last article on looks and apparel, I emphasized that covering ourselves in beautiful countenance and attire is important to the impression we make on ourselves and our society. However, part of this impression we make -a huge part- owes to the character we exude. You may be as beautiful as Audrey Hepburn, alluring as Marilyn Monroe, or breathtaking as Monica Bellucci, but if you have no character, people will see you as dirt. In fact, without character, physical beauty is often scorned.

Character development is easy only in concept. In practice, I know it’s hard. Indeed, it isn’t something you could perfect in this life, but it’s something you can work on daily. And trust me, people will see and sense your efforts.

Character and Mannerisms

The two words may mean the same thing. They do, but not necessarily. Character is what lies within you, while mannerisms are the behaviors that exhibit it. One cannot be developed without the other, and with both of them, you equip yourself with a superpower that goes beyond physical beauty, because it is in your character and through your mannerisms that your femininity is expressed.

I have recently been doing a rewatch of the Barbie media franchise from Mattel Entertainment, and while on this spree, I have come across a lot of serious moral lessons that I simply overlooked as a child. In Barbie: Princess Charm School, Barbie is featured as a lottery student in a finishing school for princesses and ladies-in-waiting. As a suburban girl, it’s a place she doesn’t belong in -at first. At some point towards the middle of the story, there is a scene of her conversing with her tutor. And the conversation has always stuck out to me:

” Do you know what it takes to make a princess?” Her tutor asked.

” A crown?”

” No. Character. All our classes in poise, manners, dancing, they’re not superficial. They build confidence. But, confidence without character is dangerous…”

So, is character without confidence, she added later on. Poise, manners, dancing, etc. are what form your mannerisms. However, without character, these will remain superficial. Indeed, people will see through it.

I know I have just given you an example from a girls’ entertainment series, but I think it is a valuable one to learn. It is another reinforcement that character and confidence through your mannerism is what makes you beautiful.

Character – What lies far within

Underneath your superficial appearance should be character. Feminine character. As I have found, femininity is a virtue in itself. So, what should really lie within you is virtue.

To live in authentic womanliness requires virtue, and as a Catholic, I have the greatest role model one could ever wish for: Mary, the Mother of God. Even for those who do not profess the same religion, I’m sure the importance of the principles of faith, humility, modesty and moderation, purity and chastity, charity, sweetness, patience and long-suffering, etc. in a woman’s character can be recognized. Cultivating these virtues will automatically help you to get more in touch with your femininity.

Humility encompasses the virtue of reception, which is essential to the feminine. The more I have cultivated humility (which isn’t always a straight path for me), the more I have realized that my existence depends solely on the One who made me. In turn, realizing this has discouraged me from looking down on others, and encouraged me to receive graciously from people, be it a gift, a compliment, or help.

Moreover, the more humble you become, the more reserved you wish to be. You grow modest in your conversation and comportment, and you won’t see the need to put your whole life on show. Have you wondered why some women seem to have an air of mystique about them? When they walk into the room, their dignity can be sensed. Their character charms the men and makes the women feel intimidated. It may be their physical beauty -yes, but not all the time. I have found that not all women of high caliber are necessarily beautiful, but the aura they carry with them speaks volumes.

This aura is what is called feminine mystique: The art of remaining reserved in your engagements, so that people wonder what gem lies within you. A piece of expensive or priceless jewelry does not usually have to be advertised for a reason. People automatically search for it, flock to it, bid for it, invest in it. Developing feminine mystique does not mean being quiet or having low esteem. I have come across extroverted women who walk with grace in their feet and in their lips, but no woman who thinks low of herself can convince others otherwise. Be humble, but proud of who God has made you to be and the dignity he has placed upon your head.

Another important thing to note is that the virtues of charity, patience, innocence, and sweetness, which, if you ask me, all unfold after humility, can blossom your angelic attributes. What does one mean when one calls a woman an ‘angel’? Perhaps, it means that the woman in question is out of this world. She talks, acts, and thinks of people and herself in a way that makes you suppose she isn’t even human.

Now, we know that’s all rhetorical talk -everyone is human. However, what could make you appear more angelic to people? My talk about feminine mystique hasn’t ended yet. Charity enables you to see people, despite their flaws and grievances towards you, the way God sees them, and love them as you would like to be loved. Being a Catholic, this is the first and overarching principle of my faith. If you house charity for God, for others, and for yourself in your heart, you will bear with whatever horrible thing you come across, or whatever bad thing is done to you by your neighbor. You will also be able to bear with yourself or even laugh at yourself when you fail at certain things. Charity begets playfulness and makes you inviting. Though you grow old, charity will maintain that sweet and innocent love of a child for God, people, nature, etc.

So, you see that all the virtues are tied to each other and are inseparable. Of course, there are many more I can mention, but they are beyond the scope of this discussion. Cultivate the most important ones and the rest will blossom too.

Mannerisms- Confidence in your personality.

You may be of good character, but if you choose to go about with sloppy ways of talk and movement, your good character will be blurred. Most of the reasons why people just resort to haphazard ways of going about their day is because they lack confidence. They look at the models in magazines, and the royal women on television, and think, ‘I will never be like them’. And with that mindset, they go about living carelessly, just because the spotlight isn’t on them.

Perhaps, we may never be like these women in the spotlight, because most of us have no crown and may never have a crown. However, again, it isn’t a crown that makes a princess, it’s character. And if you do not express confidence in your character, it is as good as having no character.

Indeed, the essence of dressing well and refining your looks is to make it easier to live virtuously and to be confident in who you are. As I mentioned in my last article on looks and apparel, the notion of clothing affecting human psychology is real.

So is the notion of human behaviour affecting human psychology.

Poise and Courtesy

Poise. Courtesy. These words have gathered a bad reputation since after the 1960s, and there is no point explaining why. Courtesy has been replaced with ‘serve yourself’. Poise has been replaced with casual. Not to say that casual is not good, but it seems we’ve become too casual… Casual in our dress, conversation, movement, food, relationships… etcetera.

What is poise? Why is it so despised to be poised and to encourage people to be poised? Poise is nothing other than elegance. It’s the possession of grace in everything you do. Poise and courtesy are two sisters that work together, but in the battle to throw away everything that makes us look like women, we have trashed the idea of elegance and courtesy. We want to walk like men now; dress like men; do things like men; say whatever we want, whenever we want; and wear whatever we want.

From what I have been taught since I was a child, it is a virtue to comport yourself with modesty, discipline, and decorum: Dress and act like a woman; Sit and stand up straight, so you don’t get a hunchback; think before you speak; if your actions will not help, don’t act; develop good manners everywhere you are; be courteous; graciously accept courteous acts from other people; don’t involve yourself in unnecessary conflict and if you cannot help it in a certain situation, please dear, never raise your voice; and Never swear.

All of these are great! And believe me, there’s more. I am no A-student in most of these things, but the more I practice them, the more I become confident in myself as a lady. So, why do people even look down on all these awesome ways to improve yourself? First off, it’s hard. I get it. Just the word ‘poise’ makes people give up and leave good behavior to the dukes and duchesses. In fact, people now seem to despise the dukes and duchesses, or anything high class, and I think it’s because they see these things as something unattainable.

But, why is it? It’s just good behavior. You may not be drinking tea out of china with your pinky sticking out every time you raise the cup to your lips. To be honest, that isn’t what is meant here. Poise is just mature polished behavior, most of which is already known by intuition. Though it may be argued that courtesy is a social construct (e.g. Men opening doors for women, men standing when a woman walks into the room, etc.), it only reflects a real truth: The dignity of the human being. The more you engage in behaviour that reflects this truth, the more you will live in this truth.

In a world of ‘self-expression’, it’s easy to believe that good behavior can be thrown away in the name of expressing yourself. But I challenged myself to challenge the narrative. I have failed sometimes, no doubt. But I have also made successes that I couldn’t have any other way. Speak good grammar; eat properly and moderately; compose yourself with dignity; be polite to your neighbor in speech and in gesture. It isn’t that hard if you are determined, and if you can cultivate even a fraction of poise and courtesy in your life, you will be mistaken for a princess… I promise you.

In one of Audrey Hepburn’s classic films, ‘My Fair Lady’, the male protagonist, a phonetics professor played by Rex Harrison, mentions something so relevant to this discussion. He mentions a lot of things in the film, to be honest, but in the first song of the movie, ‘Why can’t the English?’, he sings: ‘It’s ow and gaw that keep her in her place. Not her wretched clothes and dirty face.’

By ow and gaw, he means the bad English Eliza (Audrey Hepburn) speaks as a pauper. In other words, if she didn’t have so bad a grammar, perhaps he could pass her off as a duchess… and indeed, he did. If I were the one singing, I would say, ‘It’s sh*t and (insert other swear words) that keep them sloppy…’.

I have just used speech as an example, but poise encompasses so much more. You do not have to be a duchess to pass off as one.

That being said, I am not a poise or manners tutor, but I know there are some great resources out there. I have used some myself. An affordable online course by Jennifer. L. Scott, the author of the Madame Chic series, is a great option. Visit here.

If you are interested in improving your manners but feel wary taking classes, start with refining your actions, speech, and manners by small degrees. If you’re used to careless manners, I suggest thinking before doing anything. It makes a lot of difference.

In conclusion,

I could write a whole book on this. People have. However, I drop the pen on the few measly words I’ve written and encourage you to take your style to the next level by learning how to refine your character and mannerisms. It will be so worth it.

Again, take a look at Mrs. Scott’s course on ‘the not-so-desperate housewives’, and keep an eye out for more articles on this series.

What about you? Are you confident in your character and if so, how do you say so through your mannerisms? Let me know!

Au revoir,

Christine.